Blog 9: Improvement

If you had to name one way in which your writing has improved this semester, what would it be? Discuss.

My writing has most improved by gaining experience working with more flexible styles. Previously most of my writing has been dictated by the standard intro--three body paragraphs--conclusion style. Sometimes there were more than three body paragraphs but they all followed a very strict and boring format. Nearly everything in the paper was dictated by a scientific formula. 

For example, the title had to exhibit one of thirteen attention getting methods. The first sentence of the introduction also had to exhibit an attention getter. There had to be a phrase that transitioned from the attention getter to the thesis. After the thesis came a foreshadowing sentence which listed the topics of the body paragraphs. Every body paragraph had to start with a transition which mentioned the topic of the previous paragraph and then the topic of the current paragraph with relationship to the thesis. The end of every body paragraph had to have a summative sentence which mentioned the thesis and the topic of the paragraph. The conclusion had to restate the thesis and re-mention the topics of the body paragraphs. The final sentence of the conclusion had to make reference to the title or first sentence of the introduction to make the paper come full circle.

These rules and guidelines made decent papers, but at times they forced the writing into a stringent and repetitive form. This semester I was actually able to break away from the ultra-strict scientific paper and write more or less how I wanted. It's helped me change the decent scientific style to a much more smooth flowing style.

Blog 8: Sources

For my first source I read an article from EBSCO that discussed how Kickstarter began and some of its successes and failures. It also discussed how crowdfunding sites would change the way small businesses get started. It said that restrictions on crowdfunding had been relaxed a little to encourage more investments in companies. I believe this article will be rather useful for my thesis.

The next source I read went into a good about of detail about the JOBS Act signed by President Obama in April 2012. It talked about how the act loosened restrictions. The source also talked about the influence crowdfunding would have on companies. It mentioned some of the successful stories of Kickstarter and also how fraud is prevented on Kickstarter. This source should also be good for my paper for it's details on the JOBS Act.

Blog 7: Research

Topic: Crowdfunding sites like Indiegogo and Kickstarter
Hypothesis: Crowdfunding sites are allowing Americans to choose what products they want even more directly.

What I know:

• Kickstarter is a way for people to fund projects.
• Many projects have been successfully funded, Nikola Tesla Museum, Ouya, Pebble, et al.
• Many people are skeptical of these sites
• Some funded projects never work out

Research:

• Find articles that help to contrast American choices
• Find articles on the background of Kickstarter and Indiegogo
• Find articles on the successes and failures of Kickstarter and Indiegogo

Schedule:

Fully Commit to Topic by Wednesday 14th

All research and full works cited list done by Friday 16th

Rough Draft Completed by Friday 23rd

Final Draft Completed by Thursday 29th

Blog 6: Paramedic Method

Original:
Generally this claim sounds absurd since it states that a commercial which offends two large groups of people should be allowed to air on the grounds that it offends both groups rather than one group. However, this is actually quite common justification in today’s society; just look at the television cartoon South Park. It pokes fun at numerous different groups of people from a variety of races and religions, yet the show has already seen sixteen seasons and years of television. The reason is because not every member of the groups being parodied find the jokes to be intolerably offensive. Similarly, while some females might find a commercial that stereotypes women offensive, not all women would find the commercial offensive. Likewise the hidden male stereotypes that likely exist in the commercial are not offensive to the vast majority of males. A commercial that offends both groups without crossing the line has found a good harmony and should be allowed to air on television.

Paramedic Method Revised:
Generally this claim sounds absurd since it states that a commercial which offends two large groups of people should be allowed to air on the grounds that it offends both groups rather than one group. However, today's society often uses this justification; just look at the television cartoon South Park. It pokes fun at numerous different groups of people from a variety of races and religions, yet the show has already seen sixteen seasons and years of television. Undoubtedly, because not every member of the groups being parodied find the jokes intolerably offensive. Similarly, while some females might find a commercial that stereotypes women offensive, not all women would find the commercial offensive. Likewise the hidden male stereotypes that likely exist in the commercial are not offensive to the vast majority of males. A commercial that offends both groups without crossing the line has found a good harmony and should be allowed to air on television.

Blog 5: Paper 1 Analysis

In the first paper it seemed that I was raising arguments that weren't exactly what I was supposed to argue based off of my thesis. That seemed to be the biggest issue. I know that at least in my head the arguments are necessary to help prove my thesis, but I should have maintained a tighter control on them and shown how they helped to prove my thesis. This lack of control probably arose from weak-ish topic sentences and not really paying attention to them. I didn't exactly plan any topic sentences for my paragraphs, but I think they did wind up becoming functional topic sentences. However, even if they did turn out to be topic sentences, I didn't pay attention to them and try to force my paragraphs into strict adherence to them.

In the second paper I tried to point out more of how the sentences in my paragraphs relate to the topic sentence and thesis. It was a little bit difficult because I had to use many examples from the film, but at the same time I didn't want it to turn into a summary. But by stating how each example tied back in with the topic sentence and thesis I think it may have gotten a little repetitious at times. 

Blog 4: Paper 1 Topic Sentences

Since this commercial equally offends both males and females alike, I believe that the ad should be allowed to air on television. Generally this claim sounds absurd since it states that a commercial which offends two large groups of people should be allowed to air on the grounds that it offends both groups rather than one group. However, this is actually quite common justification in today’s society; just look at the television cartoon South Park. But what exactly constitutes crossing the line? Interestingly enough, though, finding balance does not necessarily mean that both genders will be made fun of equally. Balancing the humor directed at males and females is vital to not overstepping the line drawn by society though the balance never seems to reflect true equality between the two genders.


Since this commercial equally offends both males and females alike, I believe that the ad should be allowed to air on television. Generally this claim sounds absurd since it states that a commercial which offends two large groups of people should be allowed to air on the grounds that it offends both groups rather than one group. However, this balancing act is actually quite common justification in today’s society; just look at the television cartoon South Park. But what exactly constitutes crossing the line and how does one balance his ad so it does not cross the line? Interestingly enough, though, finding balance does not necessarily mean that both genders will be made fun of equally. Balancing the humor directed at males and females is vital to not overstepping the line drawn by society though the balance never seems to reflect true equality between the two genders.

The original paragraph reads slightly odd, but for the most part it makes sense. My topic sentences seem to require a little expansion here and there so that they better relate back to the thesis. Also for my second paragraph I took the first and second sentences because the first is more of a transition while the second gives the topic of the paragraph. I suppose I could find a way to mash them together, but that would make the sentence too long for my liking.

Blog 3 Teenage Confidential

I feel that the argument David Denby makes in his article, "High-School Confidential: Notes on Teen Movies" is that people go to watch modern teen movies because they like to see the upheaval of the social systems in place in high schools."

To prove this the author has to provide evidence of popular teen movies that feature a social system that gets turned upside down or the hero violates certain principals of the system. Denby accomplishes this throughout his article as he brings up cases like Carrie where a girl is treated poorly, but get her revenge by setting the school on fire. People who watch the movie may feel like her actions are justified since she was the victim of bullying. Denby talks about other stereotypical plots where a nerdy girl attracts the attention of a popular guy. And ultimately they might fall in love like some classic Cinderella story. This goes back to people's want to perhaps go outside their social class and marry someone from a higher standing. Denby also talked about the movies where nerds are bullied but ultimately succeed at life while the jock dwindles his time away at a car dealership or some other inferior job. This seems to embody that old American ideal of working hard to rise through the social ladder to make it to the top.

I feel like the fact that the author wrote an article about teen movies seems to make him sound more credible. Books and written articles published in actual books are always viewed as more credible then statements made on a TV debate or written up on a website online. Denby uses logic to make deductions and statements about the examples he lists. I feel like most of them could be accepted as valid conclusions but they don't often seem like iron clad statements or reasons. He appeals a lot emotion through his vivid word choice. I imagine anyone who reads this will be plagued with either a sense of guilt or bad memories from high school at least one point in the article. He seems to really use pathos to emotionally charge the readers and get them thinking critically about what he's saying.

If I wanted to counter this argument there are a few options I could take. I might try and provide examples of teen movies that don't necessarily feature an upheaval of the social system, but I don't watch nearly enough movies so I can't really think of any off the top of my head. I would also try to make the case that people, at least Americans, wouldn't like the movies because of the social upheaval because that would remind them of communist uprisings. Of course that sounds incredibly outlandish, which might lead me to try and portray the author's argument as outlandish in and of itself and take the examples he lists and portray them as more simplistic to make it seem like he's over analyzing them. The final approach I could take would be to offer an even better reason that makes quite a bit more sense than the current one as to why people go to see teen movies.

In other news, yeah, this blog should probably be considered late. I completely overlooked that part underneath the reading assignment where it said to make a blog. Now if for some reason you want a semi-decent excuse as to why I shouldn't be docked points for posting late then I'll make the case that the news post title said "Assignment for Friday 10/5." This doesn't necessarily imply that it had to be done before class  and as of my posting it is still technically Friday.